The Sigma Signal

Issue 9
"If it didn’t happen, we’ll report it anyway."

What Exactly Is A Tickenest, Anyway? Tregina
For those residents of the Station who have pondered this question, we can only say "Read on..." In an e-mail interview, the sometime-resident of Sigma Station and self-proclaimed Playboy wannabe revealed his secrets for success.

Tickenest hails from the planet Earth, although he is not a shape-shifter like his fellow Earthlings aboard Sigma Station. He rather appears to inhabit several dimensions, having told us that he once owned a planet called Tick "in an alternate reality." Although this may or may not be the case, as he happily proclaims that one of his greatest talents is "my ability to say things seriously and sarcastically in exactly the same tone of voice."

As for the great amount of wealth he has amassed, he credits his success in the stock market to "buying stocks when numbers next to them were small and selling stocks when the numbers next to them became high. I also engage in extortion." Is he serious about the extortion? "By the time anyone's figured out whether I've been serious or sarcastic, I've taken all of their wallets and I'm halfway to Isis."

His plans for the future include accruing enough wealth to attain the coveted title of "Playboy," with all accompanying benefits.

So what exactly is a Tickenest? We’ll let him answer in his own words... "I may reveal some day what a Tickenest is, but for now, let's just say it's not quite a tick, and it's not quite an enest." It’s probably just as well to let it go at that.

News Headlines in Brief Tregina

Cleaning Bot Causes Treasure Hunt Mix Up

An over-efficient cleaning bot played havoc with the weekly treasure hunt last week, scooping up the flux crystal that was supposed to have been left for residents to find. Cleaning bots have been banished to the Lost & Found closet during treasure hunt times to prevent a repeat of the incident. Hopefully, it will not occur again. Speaking of the treasure hunt...

Congratulations to Treasure Hunt Winners

The Sigma Signal extends warm congratulations to the winners of the treasure hunts this past month: scribe, jeremy, mxm and mtk1701. Happy hunting to everyone this month!

Osiris’ Gravity Causes Time Disturbance

Some residents of Sigma Station may have noticed some discrepancies in their clocks. Blame it on Xylan's orbit taking it too close to the spacetime disturbance of Osiris. Osiris is such a big planet, it warps space-time around itself (with gravity), thus causing a relativistic time dilation effect when Xylan (and therefore Sigma Station) is closer to Osiris.

Criminal Activity Reported, Countermeasures Taken

In a recent security review, it was noticed that the level of violence to robots and androids (and occasionally players) aboard Sigma Station has increased. Measures have been taken to stop this. A jail has been built near the 'Lost + Found' room, and the patrol robot now has the power to arrest players that repeatedly commit crimes. The length of jail sentences will depend on the number and severity of the crimes committed.

A Day In The Life Of... Jeremy Jeremy
Hi, my name is Jeremy and I would like to share with you a typical day in my life aboard Sigma Station.

The first thing I do, after waking up in my private quarters is check my share trading terminal to see if I have gotten rich over night. Then I get dressed for the day. As I leave my quarters I stop by the Communications Room to see if I have any mail. Then I head for the Bar to see if anybody is there. There is nothing I enjoy more than sharing a round of drinks with the other station residents and catching up on all the latest gossip. Sometimes I like to find a quiet corner of the bar and read the latest issue of the Sigma Signal. On days when I am feeling particularly adventurous I might take a trip to Isis. So this is a day in my life.

Editor's Note: Jeremy has recently started up business as a stockbroker on Sigma Station, so please drop him an email if you are interested in doing a deal.

Gossip Mongers Tregina
Why is filthy rich thomas worried? He claims he’s worried that upstarts like cidmund will overtake him on the status leader board, but there might be more to it than he’s admitting... He revealed that with the increasing crime aboard the station, ‘he doesn’t want to be the next murder victim.’ When we pressed him to tell us how he might know there would be a next victim, he stammered something about ‘just meaning ‘if,’ and proclaimed he was moving his assets off-world. If another body turns up, we know where to start the inquiries...

Speaking of cidmund, where has he really been? He claims that his recent absence was due to educational obligations, but rumour has it that he had actually been kidnapped, although reasons why that might have happened are as many and varied as the species who are repeating them. Some feel that kidnappers may have been after his recently-won reward money or that is may have been certain Xylian factions who were angered over his exposure of their conspiracies. We wonder who is behind the version of the story claiming he was captured by a wandering band of females looking for a male with a ‘hot bod’?

Who was that pig-tailed beauty with the nice legs serving tea last month in Cuppa Rust? Only scribe knows for sure. Ask him, and he may tell you...

Jail Gets First Inmate Nikj
On May 10th 2003 the player nikj became the first inhabitant of the jail at the sigma station. He attacked a prison guard, a bartender and then the cleaning robot in the Lost+Found on sigma station, nikj then tried to escape, before being captured by a patrol robot near the helpdesk at sigma station. The bartender that he attacked was said to be recovering well after his fight provoked by nikj's dreadful outburst. The prison guard and the cleaning robot refused to comment, but seemed very distressed at the incident.

Surprisingly, nikj seemed to be very pleased with himself and said to duncanj comments such as 'woooooohooooooooooo'.

Advice Column Duncanj
Finally, dreamscaper is still gathering material for her upcoming advice column. As an example, she provides the following:

Bothered Bear:
Dear Dreamscaper: I've been having anxieties about my stocks because they've been plummeting and barely climbing back up to break even. What suggestions can you give to help me relax?

Dear Bear: Swim with the fishes in Sigma Station or grab some comfort foods. Or if you want to pump up the action, play some space ball and tell us how your stocks AND anxiety levels are doing!

So please bombard dreamscaper with questions using MUD-mail. Your correspondance will be kept confidential (i.e. your name will not be published) unless you explicitly request otherwise.

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Contributing articles
Contributary articles for The Sigma Signal should be submitted to The editor reserves the right to make changes to submitted articles. (If you wish, you can request content approval when you submit the article so that you see the final version before it goes to print.) The editor also reserves the right to reject articles that have not been spell-checked!

Good submissions may earn you 1000 credits and the coveted rank of Reporter or Journalist inside Alternate Universe.

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