The Sigma Signal
Monthly News, Issue 1
"If it didn’t happen, we’ll report it anyway."
|Earthquakes on Isis||Tregina|
Unusual seismic activity on Isis is reported to have caused some damage to buildings in the
office and residential complex there. Repair crews have been called in to check structural
integrity of the buildings and mend cracked walls.
It has been rumoured that a floor caved in near the new Space Ball stadium, but authorities have been unable to be reached for comment on the truth of this rumour or of reports that workers found what seemed to be an underground tunnel beneath the site of the alleged cave in.
|Bar in Shambles||Tregina|
After a wild party left the Bar Sigma in shambles Thursday night, the establishment’s former
owner fled the station, vowing never to return. The popular gathering spot is now under new
ownership. The new manager is hoping to rename the bar to reflect his desire to attract a
new clientele. (Any suggestions may be sent to this reporter at
email@example.com to be forwarded for
After dragging several unconscious patrons from the bar to their private living quarters, a seemingly disgusted Patrol Robot 4X1Z was overheard to say, "All humanoids must cease improper functioning immediately!" His earlier efforts to control the unruly crowd were mostly unsuccessful. It is unclear whether Patrol Robot 4X1Z has been repainted or if the white and brown stripes he was seen to be sporting were in fact barbecue sauce and butter cream frosting.
A relieved aquarium director has announced that contrary to previous reports, the pair of
endangered wolniphs in the aquarium are not dying of a rare fungal infection as was initially
thought. Apparently some well meaning but uninformed swimmers attempted to share a Tuskan
beer with the inquisitive creatures, which swallowed the entire cans.
The aquarium staff were finally able to detect the problem using Proton Emission Scanning equipment, and had to sedate the wolniphs to remove the offending objects from their stomachs. The staff are urging all visitors to the aquarium to observe safety rules while enjoying the swimming areas and to please not feed any of the fish.
In an exclusive story, this journalist has learned that sun spot activity has
been blamed for the recent blackouts in communications between the Sigma Space
station, the moon Isis and the planet Xylan.
Professor Bannoch of the Sigma Station Observatory stated in an interview today, "These interruptions in communications on subspace frequencies can only be attributed to increases in sun spot activity on Zanyck that have been observable through the station's telescope. There is absolutely NO TRUTH whatsoever in these wild rumours that are circulating concerning terrorists on communication hubs throughout the system."
|New Public Telescope Unveiled||(An old article from Tuesday 9th April 2002) DuncanJ|
Construction of the new public-access telescope in Sigma Station was officially completed today
with a formal handover ceremony at the Observatory. Professor Bannoch accepted the new
20-inch reflector on behalf of Sigma Station, saying it was "a powerful resource and
tremendous addition to the observatory".
The traditional "First Light Image" was obtained of the planet Osiris, at local co-ordinates (3,-5), by Professor Bannoch, who was pleased with the result, saying: "It is so easy to use - you just type 'use terminal'!", adding that visitors would now "be able to discover new and exciting things about the universe around them".
Users of the telescope can collect their images here.
Contributary articles for The Sigma Signal should be submitted to
firstname.lastname@example.org. The editor reserves the right to
make changes to submitted articles. (If you wish, you can request content approval when you
submit the article so that you see the final version before it goes to print.) The editor
also reserves the right to reject articles that have not been spell-checked!|
Good submissions may earn you the rank of Reporter or Journalist inside Alternate Universe.
Back to top